what-could-have-beens

Apr. 14, 2007 - 5:35 am

It's not even really about that; while yes, I have missed her and yes, I kissed her, I have been pretty adamant both with her and here that there wasn't going to be any sort of "reconciliation." I broke up with *her,* and although I will admit (from a couple brief conversations with her) that yes, she has made some great strides in her life (or attempts towards them... or at least *telling* me she has), those basic, underlying reasons for us *not* being together are still there. So there's really no "might-have-been" there with her... one constant I had over the last few months of our relationship was when we were together, it was amazing and wonderful (except when it wasn't), and when we were apart I was trying to figure out a way out. I'm out; it was my choice, and I in no way, shape, or form feel that we could be together any way but sexually, and that would be an emotional disaster for me.

That being said, if I expect her to take me at my word that I'm fine, and great (and everyone has said that over the last year, unasked for by me), then I need to take her at her word that things are fine, and great with her new beau (um... despite even *more* caveats on the phone last night as she was justifying the relationship... I wonder if she even realizes she's doing that?).

I haven't felt *any* jealousy with this (and believe me, I've looked); it's been far too obvious to me she's settling. If that's true... What is it to me? Although I obviously still care about her, it will not affect my life one bit either way, will it?

Funny how my brain works, isn't it... ;P