heading in the right direction

Apr. 25, 2007 - 11:11 am

Had to go to the docs this morning for an infected toe (yeah... same one as before), and while there I decided to get the full-spectrum of STD/HIV tests. While I have only slept with one woman since the last batch of tests I had done right after my marriage ended, it's good to be prepared. I got tested back then for that very reason. Lisa had a clean one come back as well, but better safe than sorry for me... I *know* I was monogamous with her, and am pretty sure she was as well... but not sure enough to bet my life on it. Sex always came *way* too easily for her.

All that being said... I am not planning on doing a lot of sleeping around, even if I do find myself awash in lovely women. It's just not my thing; I slept with Lisa *way* too soon (yes... at her insistence, believe it or not), and I think it actually was a detriment to our burgeoning relationship at the time. LMAO... it wasn't burgeoning yet at all; it was after our first real date (second if you want to count meeting for a drink for an hour to see if we wanted to go out at all). Don't get me wrong, it felt good, but it wasn't *great* until I really felt something for her... and I think that lack of greatness translated right into *her* not enjoying it as much as she did later as well.

My doctor (and other people, including the guy I went to the conference with last week), keep saying I should go out and just nail anything that moves. Not my style, for the above reasons, plus many more (see psycho soccer mom from earlier this year). I just have to face up to it... I'm not a slut. ;P I *need* to actually have an emotional connection to someone before being intimate like that. There are plenty of times I wish I could change that, but in all actuality I think it's a net positive. It will make things more special for the person that *is* special.

Hey, if I wanted to do that, I could answer one of the "thousands of horny deprived housewives want to have sex with YOU" emails I get on one of my garbage accounts. Thank goodness I sign up for any and all websites that require emails using an account specifically designed for just that purpose.

I do think there will be opportunities... even though the Calvin Klein people aren't breaking down my door to be their next underwear model, I know I am a decent enough looking guy. If Bonnie were still around she could give a better opinion, as she is the only one of you who has actually *met* me.

Miss ya, Bonnie (and not for that reason, of course).

But I know that there will come a time when some woman will want to jump my bones before I feel that emotional connection I need... do I attempt to be strong, and develop that first? Or do I "give in?" Yeah... poor, poor me... what a horrible decision to have to make; to sleep with a woman I find hot. I think it will probably come down to the individual circumstance, and whether or not I feel there is a future there. Hell, I don't even want to date someone where there isn't at least a *potential* for a future. But we'll see what happens.