sometimes the simplest solutions are best

Apr. 13, 2007 - 7:19 pm

After sending an "of course, I'm OK... are *you* OK?" email last night (like an idiot), Sue and I had agreed that Lisa probably wouldn't contact me again, as I had given her affirmation of what she needed most... that I wanted her more than she wanted me. Whatever; that's fine... I still think she's settling, but that's her choice.

Well, Sue and I were both wrong... and both right.

Wrong: in that Lisa called me back tonight to let me know that of *course* she's OK, and

Right, in that she took the opportunity I had given her to smack me around like a cat toy. Playing the boyfriend off on me, even as I *told* her flat-out I didn't want to be back with her, but thought she was settling, and deserved better. Likely why she smacked me around even harder.

I should *not* have answered the phone. She played me perfectly; Of *course* I still care about her, even if I know there are insurmountable obstacles to us ever being together. After her, "have a nice weekend..." open-ended sign-off (meaning, of course... "please call me so I can fuck with you some more"). I started banging my head against the wall, making Connor wonder if the drywall was going to need to be patched.

God, I was pissed... more at myself for sending the email and talking to her than anything else, but still pissed... and even more pissed for wanting to call her an call her bluff.

Connor is spending the weekend at a friends' and his mom showed up to pick him up. As I needed someone over 12 to talk to (and anyone here whose phone number I had would have gotten a ring), I just sort of brought it up in an "Auuuugggghhhhhh!!!!!" sort of way. Said how much I *hated* people mind-fucking me that way.

Her response: "Don't let her."

Ahhhh... peace. It all washed out of me (and the rest is going right here). No more contact. I have Caller ID for a *reason.*

She's not happy, she's settling, and it's none of my damn business. What *is* my business is not letting her fuck with my head any more. Although I should have let Terri take care of the doll thing, that's over and done with. What I *can* do is not let this mess with me any more than it already has.

Now, while I may well get back to sporadic updates, at least it won't be Captain Angst... I should have let this go when I had the chance, and I didn't. Lesson Learned.

Done Now.