re: Dinner with Lisa

Apr. 12, 2007 - 10:19 am

I want to get this email thread on here for future reference (with Sue's permission...)

subject RE: Dinner with Lisa
>>Okay I read about it ... sounded like it went okay .

Yeah; OK... but as I lie in bed last night thinking about it, there was an increasing bad taste in my mouth... not from the kissing; that was always *amazing,* but rather that as she was gushing about all the things she has done, I was praising her for her progress... and she would in return tell me all the things I was doing wrong in my life.

Like I said... her judgmentalism was the one thing that I really couldn't get through when we were together, and that at least apparently hadn't changed. I didn't go there with the intention of trying to "get back together" with her; to tell the truth, I don't know *why* I went, but she just kept repeating 'closure," but more like she was trying to talk *herself* into it.

Not sure... she wants to keep in touch, but more in the way of so she can "help" me.. I'm pretty sure that's not gonna fly, even though I know I need a lot of help... ;P

>> Well personally I believe all her boasting about herself, and telling you to move on was her way of building HERSELF up ... making herself feel like she was the that had already "moved on" and left YOU in the dust ... okay I"m not making sense ... but I think it was an ego thing for her. Trying to make it "look" like you're the one that's still mourning the loss of the relationship and she's all FINE and DANDY and wants YOU to think that.

>>Okay am I making ANY sense here?

>>I'm glad you still recognize the "problem" points ... and that you don't have any regrets even though she "looked" great ... and tasted even better. LOL LOL

No; I understand what you mean, and I agree with it to a certain extent. But she was also very apparently hemming and hawing on things, LOTS of conditional talk on her new guy (he's not like you in bed, I need to give him a chance because he deserves it, he has a way of looking at the relationship as moving towards something I am not certain i agree with), so there is no doubt in my mind that she is trying to keep *some* possibility out there... else she probably wouldn't have kissed me back (although to her credit, she was the one who pulled away).

That last one; "he has a way of looking at the relationship as moving towards something I am not certain i agree with" was really astounding to me... the *main* reason I broke up with her, if you'll recall, was that she was pressuring me to get engaged right after Kathy moved out... she broke up with her prior boyfriend because he didn't want to get married (although he was married to someone else within a year... hmmm...). So for her to not want the relationship to move in that direction is really something.

I'm only saying all this because (to come full circle) although I agree that she was saying a lot to convince *herself* as well as bringing me down, I *do* think she has looked at herself and made some fundamental changes, all to the good.

I did tell her that one of my main regrets was not talking to her daughter about our differences and issues... people are people, and make mistakes, and I just didn't know how to deal with an 11-year old girl, but I wanted to learn, as I loved both her mother and her. But the way Lisa was talking about her... sounds like she is turning into one raving bitch... and that's not just *my* interpretation; Lisa did everything but use the word.

One thing that still bugs me is the casual way she told me about her flings... I know her libido is *extremely* high, and her idea of "waiting" is the second date, but telling your ex about that stuff is still kind of squicky... especially for someone like me who puts such a premium on the emotional intimacy part of the relationship.

Oh, and re-reading that, her position was more of a "move on" in *life,* not just our relationship... although that was part of it too.

Same justifications, methinks.

And yes, Nikki... although I certainly realize the attraction is there, having any sort of physical relationship with her would make things *very* complicated in my life... *my* life in particular. Although I don't discount the effect it would have on her becoming involved with me again, she has shown, throughout her life and in the last year that the physical part doesn't have the same emotional impact on her it does on me.

But I think that I may well be ready to remove myself from my alone time and start getting on with my life... I vehemently disagree with Lisa that this has been bad for me, but I agree I have not been moving forward. I will do that when I am good and ready, and my healing is complete... I think I may be approaching that very point, with more than a little help from her.

So it's good. :)