to my awesome support staff...

Dec. 14, 2006 - 1:41 pm

I spent a couple hours at the office of an orthopedic surgeon this morning... looks like minor knee surgery is in my immediate future... oh joy. But according to everyone I have spoken to, it's a minor thing... just part and parcel of being a Big Guy... banging on the knees as I do pretty much anything.

Doc was nice, saying I'm not *that* overweight... thanks, doc! It's true; but 30# is 30#, and I have to lose it. It's just less noticeable on someone my height.

But with the sitting in the waiting room, and working at home (Sean was sick the last two days, so I actually VPN'd in from home), and working at work... I have been thinking as I approach this Family Holiday about what has gone on the last few years, what I have and will miss, and what I don't.

Don't get me wrong; this divorce was one of the best things that has ever happened to me in my life. I really enjoy my life now, and not constantly being around someone who doesn't give a rip about me is freeing.

But Bonnie asked me to look in on a message board and someone she knows who is in the beginning of what I went through... a long, somewhat contested divorce. I told this friend that the best thing to do was get it over with on move on with your life; the 3 year ordeal I went through was WAY too much. That after it is all over, she should try and let go of the animosity, and at least strive for indifference towards her former mate.

I really think I have... I know I have said it before, but despite how the divorce went down, I hold no lingering animosity towards Kathy. I don't think she does towards me, either... that would require more of an effort on her part than she ever thought I was worth. So I really do sort of trust her now, as far as being a good mother goes. And holding on to any animosity towards her would be in effect being acrimonious towards the mother of my Boys. And seeing as how that is *all* she is any more, that would be incredibly destructive towards my relationship with those Boys.

But all this thinking reminded me... especially since this docs was over near a former good friend of mine. He had gotten a divorce a few years before (prior to when he and I met), and hadn't had anyone to talk to about it; his real regret was that his friends and family sort of abandoned him to the process, expecting to see him again on the other side. He vowed to not let that happen with me, and said he'd always be there for me as I started the process. I haven't seen him since... he was always "busy," so after a few tries on my part the friendship ended. I haven't so much as emailed him in over three years, except a reply that yes, I was still alive when he asked a couple years ago.

My stepsister also went through a divorce, and made the same offer. Whenever I would call or email her, it was always, "well... I'm sure everything will turn out fine..." and that was it. After a while I stopped trying with her as well, likely leading to that big Christmas argument from a month or so ago.

My mom was even less helpful, trying to play both sides. We had a HUGE argument over it, and I again just stopped talking about it to her. I was attempting a closer relationship with her, and that was a casualty of her lack of support, despite my begging for it.

My brother, sister, and dad were more helpful, at least lending a helpful ear and support. But I didn't rely on them for advice, although maybe I should have. I just didn't want to be disappointed again.

So I went through the whole thing basically alone... in real life. After all this "poor me" shit from above, it really was a good, growing thing to do... but I know it wasn't alone. I really want, at this point, to acknowledge two people who helped more than I'll ever be able to let them realize.

Thanks, Bonnie!
Thanks, Sue!

You two were always there for me... with advice and thoughts and prayers. I know 'Thank You" doesn't cover it, but that's all I have... you were both amazing, and there were a lot of points during the ordeal that I don't know I would have made through without you. I couldn't have asked for better friends and a better support system.

So look at this not as "poor me," but rather as I am through it, I am better for it, and I am happy... due to the process, due to the work I did myself, but also due to you two.

(And yes... I acknowledge that there would have been more e-support from others had I not been in lockdown mode... but at that point I had to keep things pretty close to the vest).

So with all that in mind, a couple days ago I sent an email to my ex-MIL and ex-brotherinlaw about Christmas breakfast, letting them know it was still "on" at my house... and they will be there. To bring this full circle... family will still win out.

Even though both of my stepsisters have bowed out this year, due to the Christmas fiasco... I'm not too worried about that, since I only see them a couple times a year anyway. Christmas will be good this year, regardless.

Now just to figure out where the Boys will wake up on Christmas morning this year...