a not-so-special birthday

Feb. 17, 2006 - 7:01 am

As part of the divorce agreement, TheX and I each get to have the Boys *on* our Birthdays, even if it's the other persons week to have them.

Custody goes from Friday evening to the next Friday morning, alternating weeks. Pick them up from school/daycare after work on Friday, and drop them off at school the next Friday... alternate and repeat for the next 12 years.

So I picked up the Boys on Wednesday, and we were to have just a little dinner with the people who mean the most to me... my Boys, my GF, and her kids (15 year old boy, 11 year old girl). They were to come over about 6:00, we would have Korean BBQ, cake and presents for little old me. Yeah, it was a school night, and therefore would have to be an abbreviated celebration. I understood that from the beginning.

About 5:30, she called to say that her kids had a lot more homework than she had expected, so they would be late. I suddenly started feeling quite a bit less than loved, and just told her to do whatever she wanted to do; prioritize however she saw fit. She offered to leave her son at home to do his homework, and I said no. Obviously, my attitude came through loud and clear, because she got all huffy and said it was "only a half hour" and hung up on me.

About 6:45 they showed, and I tried to put on the best face I could. I was unsuccessful, as I generally am in those situations where I am annoyed. Comes from being *way* too honest sometimes, and just wearing my heart and emotions on my sleeve.

Presents were nice, food was passable, but my mood was pretty much shattered. The "we need to get out of here" attitude from them didn't help any, and it started being vocalized by her daughter about 7:45. They were gone by 8:00.

Yep; an hour and 15 minutes for my birthday... don't *I* just feel all special now? Had I wanted to be treated with this level of importance (especially on my Birthday!) I could have just stayed married to TheX.

I'm not generally a selfish guy... it's not "all about me" very often, but on your Birthday, shouldn't it be? And hindsight for the last 20 years shows me how I *was* always treated as the least important part of someone's life, and I don't like it.

Having the Boys was very nice, even with TheYoungest really acting up... he wanted people to pay attention to him. Part and parcel of being six.

I got them to bed and school Thursday all on time. I was expecting them to be able to stay up late, what with company over... but seeing as how Company was pulling out the driveway at 8:00, they got their full night's sleep, which is always good.

Time with them is the greatest gift anyway. I pick them up this evening for more of it.

The GF generally try to get together at her house for "lunch" on Thursday, but I had to take the Boys in to school and went straight into a meeting when I got to work. With the attitudes on both sides Wednesday night (I take my full share of that particular tussle; I was in a mood by then), I figured it wasn't going to happen, but hadn't heard from her. When I finally got out of my meeting and called her about 11:30 (which is our usual meetup time), she just informed me that she was on *her* way to a meeting and besides, she had kept her daughter home from school as she wasn't feeing all that well and besides, had a "lot of homework" still to do.

I'm not against homework by any means, but lets not get *too* carried away here. I told her I was glad I didn't just show up for Lunch, as I sometimes do. But I wasn't expecting it to happen anyway. I think she needed an excuse.

She also said we "needed to talk." Duh. We're supposed to all (six) go out to the lake for the long weekend, but I'm not sure she will. She was mega-worried about integrating our families this soon after TheX moved out and on, and the last time we tried to do that (last 4th of July) it was a complete disaster. So I think she'll take this as an excuse to not go, which is fine.

We butt heads all the time, but that's just from two strong personalities trying to integrate together. We'll see what happens when we talk, either out at the lake (if she goes), or when we get back (if she doesn't). I certainly won�t try and talk her into going, should she get all pissy. I love her dearly, but there are times (like now) when I could care less if she's around.